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Speed Read: Twisted Firestarter

Every week the Speed Read comes at you with the optimism and energy of Tigger crashing Pooh Bear’s honey binge. This week is no different and in my first assignment as guest editor what follows will be a summary of the news from the past seven days.

I am going to shake things up a little, however. Today is both #MyBirthday and #InternationalWomen’sDay, which means I get to do whatever I want and you can’t stop me. It also means it’s time to channel some #Disruption in honour of the sisterhood.

So, to shift the focus onto fighting the status quo and viewing things from a #DifferentPerspective, this week’s offering ditches prose in favour of verse. And it even rhymes. Don’t try and stop me.


The Week That Was

By #guest


Ahh Monday we missed you, our good old friend!

Deliver us good news, and don’t drive us round the bend…

“Crooks will be spared jail!” That must be The Express.

The Mail delivers good news: “Eat to beat illness!”


I am a Firestarter, twisted Firestarter.

Tuesday’s front pages are full of disaster.

Goodbye Keith Flint you were a true pioneer,

You knocked off Take That and filled me with fear.


Wednesday has tonnes of good news, thanks Daily Star.

“All you need to know about Spam!” is perhaps a bit bizarre?

I’m not a huge fan, but Brexit does loom.

Okay, stuff it. Pass me the spoon.


Thursdays headlines: “Var Var Vroom!”; “Miracle in Paris!”

Manchester United wins, but does the press show some bias?

We haven’t mentioned Trump yet, let’s check out his Twitter.

“PRESIDENTIAL HARRASSMENT!!!” Calm down babes you sound very bitter.


Friday rolls around and it’s my birthday today,

But the biggest headline is it’s International Women’s Day,

Big ups to my Mum, without her today wouldn’t be mine.

Okay I’ll share it, that’ll be absolutely fine.



Music selection:

Our music choice was a simple one this week. Thank you and goodbye to the Prodigy’s Keith Flint. It wouldn’t be an overstatement to say that Firestarter in ’97 changed my world. You will be sorely missed.

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